Overdue

The good thing with emotions is it passes like random gusts. For people like me with attention deficit disorder, I am easily distracted. I let it in. A smile after a bitter bearing is good. Laugh is even better. I am always aware if I smile and laugh. This maybe a good start. A sign of moving forward or perhaps, I already have. 

Seems very bewildering but I am not pertaining to a heartbreak. It can be a heartbreak but not necessarily every thoughts are incorporated with it. I was pissed because of the long queue getting my certificate at the embassy, I let it go and moved on so easily. Moving on can be from small things to a huge fireball of bothering emotions. When it is very hot and boiling, it is better to strike the target.

There are lots of anger, guilt, disappointment and all sort of negative emotions that I felt in the past that are now overdue. Overdue because it has been ignored or perhaps overlooked for some reasons. These are just  phases. Many of these has been verbalized not directly to the people involved but to people who are unworthy of carrying a temporary humane state of mind. Another valuable lesson learned. Less talk, less mistake as the old saying goes. However, most of the time, it's inevitable.

I am misunderstood as often as the random gusts hits your body everyday. Maybe not only me but we should all learn how to be a better judge than those arbitrary retards that gave their disputes without reading the argument. If you are being asked "Why?" Isn't it correct to provide reasons? Hence, you'll be branded as a phony fucked up dude afterwards.

This too, shall be overdue....

Very random thoughts

State of mind

C'mon, it's a cliche! "Life is a roller coaster." Indeed! 

The loops are crazy and becoming more and more insane as our mind process each and every thought coming in and out of it. My mind is restless. My emotions are like igniting matches. I temporarily stayed in a condition where I fathomed an essential truth of humanity. Being human after all, is being vulnerable. Mistakes are always present.

Grateful

My sincerest gratitude to people who have the guts to apologize and to say a cheerful Thank You after favors. Favors are overrated. I admit that I am weak and I need material or abstract matters from people whom I value. Pride has blocked these remarkable qualities. Crisis has defeated pride. Trust has been misplaced. Nevertheless, there's always tomorrow to correct whatever is wrong yesterday.

Lust

Taboo as it may seem, the needs of the flesh always make way to enter into a beautiful relationship called friendship. You are misjudged if you speak and your words travel into different regions. You are misunderstood if you don't speak then your actions are already shouting. Lust is vital even for hermaphrodites, although it is the strongest weapon that can destroy you.

Faith

In the world today, credibility is everything. In forms of social media created not only for one organization but for an entity, consistency is the key. You may say what you believe today but the state of mind can change tomorrow. Judgement will pour all over not only in the comments section. I have always believed that carelessness has no room for social media celebrities. Some may even hire a social media manager. Some may find themselves mobbed by people who got rotten tomatoes. 

Blinded

The gift of thinking outside the box is one of the greatest gift. Most of the time, if a narcissist look into a mirror, everything that he will see is handsome. Mirrors are again, overrated. It only shows what you want to see. There's no technique in being your own worst criticizer. We are all in a box. A box that caged us to the world that we want to live. Curiosity will bring us outside the box. Wisdom will tell us what's outside.

Quote: 

“The single biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it has taken place.”

Relive

I remember a conversation with a very close friend, several years back when she was asking me whether to meet or not to meet her ex for a coffee after a few months of their devastating break-up. I saw her how she deplored and go through a very agonizing season. Everything is okay now, although I can still remember my remarkable antiphon that made her mute for a short while.

"Maybe, he just want to see if the feelings is still there. He wants to relive."

While my friend is happily engaged now, I am haunted by the remnants of my past that's now seemingly unfamiliar to my heart. I can still remember how I fell in love. The littlest details made me smile once in a while, but the feelings are put behind the depth of field. There's distance from the subject, which is now emptiness.

I never asked for this. I still want to relive and somehow get at least a drop of the essence of the relationship that I had with you, but everything has suddenly demised in the inside. 


Have you ever been so tired of looking for a lost valuable inside your room and used all your strength and might to find it? After time has erased the feeling of loss, suddenly you will find it in some place you missed and by that time, it's either been replaced or became an unimportant part of your everyday life.

I'm sure that I didn't miss a single spot. I am certainly not hoping to find you again, but still it will bring a huge smile on my face if I do.

Belonging

I have 654 friends in facebook, others may perceive it, that I'm friendly. There maybe some others who would think that I don't have enough and I don't really care. When the social networking site Path has emerged in the web, it purposely limited your friends list up to 50. As it grows, they increased it to 150. Why?

They want to connect you to the right people.

I am not tossing coins here between Facebook and Path. An idea implanted in my frontal lobes just wishes that things regarding relationships are just as easy as Path is trying to do.

Connecting you to the right people.

Relationships can be stressful sometimes. Attachment is a party pooper. Expecting much from people is like standing on the verge of a cliff. The tendency is you'll die in paranoia or you drift away from the crowd by decision. It happens.

What you are is unique. Do not expect other people to do things the same way you do it. What's innate in you is not innate in him. Screaming and explaining who you are in verbatim is feeble. You have to feel the connection. To be able to connect, like in most wireless networks, you have to have the password.

Sense of belonging.

Everybody needs it. It is not achievable by scientific methods. Human nature rules when you're up to get it.

You do not always look for what benefits you. You do not always say the right words to impress other people. Most of the time, you have to say the wrong words to teach them a lesson. However, we must avoid profanity. Adding flavourful SHITS and FUCKS in your language will not put you at the top of the foodchain. Being boastful of your unpleasant deeds will not make you REAL. It just creates an idea that will be proven through time. Even law courts need time to hear both sides and provide judgement.

Connect to the right people.

I wish am connected. If not, experience's credit limit is infinite. I can always charge it to him.

#roadtohotness and a teaser

Bilang pagbibigay pugay sa programang #roadtohotness na nagsimula sa Twitter, naisip kong gumawa ng ma-effort na video clip. Hindi lang ito pang #roadtohotness actually, kasi para talaga ito sa _____________.! Fill in the blank muna (yes, blank lang kasi isa lang ang blank).

Teaser muna. Nangolekta ako ng mga hot na hot na photos namin. Pasensiya na sa copyright infringement. Kung may concern kayo sa pagpublish ng mga photos at kung may nakalimutan ako, maari lang pong ipagbigay alam sa kinauukulan. Ang video ay gawa sa very reliable na Windows Movie maker. 

Let's all be hot! In our own way.

-Mr.Chan

The Dogmatic Pedagogy

Damnant Quod Non Intelligunt

They condemn what they do not know.

They despise the things that doesn't please them.

What doesn't benefit them is nothing to them.

Nature? Naaaah. They just don't open their f*ckin' minds.

Tanjong Beach Club

Noong nakita ko yung mga pictures ng dati kong office-mate sa facebook na nasa beach and the location posted is Singapore, tinignan ko kaagad kung saan ito. I've never been to any man-made beaches dito sa Singapura. Dati kasi, nung nag-OJT yung kapatid ko dito at nagpost ng mga pictures, andumi ng beach. Being called, man-made beach, hindi nako nagka-interes agad. Pero naging matunog recently yung Tanjong Beach Club and bigla akong na-curious. So tinuweet ko na gusto kong pumunta minsan at makiparty. Ayun, may nagreply naman. Malamang natuloy kami kasi eto ang mga pictures. 

Salamat pala kay Millionmonks sa Mojito at kay Saints sa Sunblock. Kahit umulan nung bandang huli, umitim naman kami and nag-enjoy. #roadtohotness ang drama pero sa susunod, mga pandesal na ang nasa litrato. :)

Attachment

"Siguradong masaya kapag tumira tayo sa iisang flat, yung close na lahat, yung magkakakilala na talaga."

A wishful thinking was uttered to me by a friend, while we're swimming. So many thoughts have entered in my mind. I pushed them at the exit door but still, being me as a very opinionated person, I said

"Mahirap yun, lalo na kung na-attach na kayo sa isa't-isa."

"Ayan na naman yang attachment na yan, narinig ko na naman," he immediately responded. I thought that the night was not enough to discuss everything about attachment. The topic will offspring a lot of words from experiences, ideas and friendship.

Then earlier, I've read a Facebook status message of a very close friend that says

Never get too attached to anyone.. because attachments leads to expectations and expectations leads to disappointments.

I would day, this is mostly applicable to romantic relationships. Mostly, to those pairs who are just starting. Just right at the beginning, even without a person involved, we already set standards and those have defined what should be the other person doing in order for you to get attached after the attraction. I find it easy to explain the norms of dating.

How about for friendship? Have you expected a lot from a friend that you become so disappointed that he failed to be consistent? There are things that a human being can do. I just find it unjust why we focus on the things that he couldn't do or couldn't undo. I have declared myself guilty of these things in the past, but I also forced my heart to forgive and see the best in all the memories they gave me. Still, I encountered many humps on the road. I was passing through a very dark alley and finally I let go.

I wanna erase all those things that are very unhealthy for my emotions and to my spirituality. There's maybe something wrong with me but still, I have some people who have open ears and heart to digest all those bits and pieces.

Attachment isn't bad after all. God has placed people in your life for a reason.

Some are passersby....

Some will stay for a while...

Some will teach you a valuable lesson....

Some will stay forever....

I am thankful indeed!

In all life's mess, sometimes, all you need to do is open your ears for you to hear that people understands you. The mouth is a useful tool, but also the most sinful.

Uso

Noong kabataan ko, wala naman akong alam sa mga pre-nuptial photo shoot. Ang ibig kong sabihin, wala naman ito dati. Ngayon, nauso na. Kung kailan daw mahirap na ang buhay ng mga tao, andami daming mga USO na nagiging requirements na din sa kasalukuyang panahon. At dahil sa wala akong mai-blog, i-share ko na lang yung una kong prenuptial shoot na pang amateur. Kasal na ngayon ang dalawang ito. Congratulations nga pala!

Uso na ang prenup shoot. Kanya-kanyang bonggang mga tema kung saan dapat kukunan ang mga litrato. Mas wacky at creative, mas astig! Ang mga larawang ito ay kinunan sa Singapore Botanical Garden.

Uso na din ngayon yung dapat may ambag na din ang babae sa gastos sa kasal. Dati kasi, yung lalaki lang ang gumagastos. Hindi naman uso ang Dowry sa kultura naten. Pero sa tingin ko, mas sweet kung lalaki ang gagastos lahat. 

Uso na din yung mag-uupload kayo ng video sa youtube mala MTV style at doon niyo ipapakita kung gaano kayo ka-sweet at kung gaano kagastos ang kasal niyo. Hindi lang classic wedding songs ang pwede maging Theme Song kundi contemporary na din. Hindi na uso ang VHS at sa video, wala ka ng makikitang pagkalaki-laking mga ilaw na tinatapat sa mga mukha ng tao.

Uso na din ang hiwalayan. Matapos gumastos sa kasal at sumumpa sa harap ng altar na magmamahalan habang buhay. Tila, wala ng halaga sa kasalukuyang henerasyon ang "relationship." Kapag nasasaktan na ang isa, kailangan ng makipaghiwalay agad. Walang diborsiyo sa Pilipinas pero panay naman ang annulment. Madalas, gagastusan talaga nila ito, mawalan lang ng bisa sa batas ang kasal nila. 

"People invest more on weddings rather than in Marriage."

What Ifs

What if, dito ka Gumraduate?

What if, totoong gera na nga?!

What if, hindi ka makuntento sa lamig ng aircon sa kotse mo?

What if, malikot si baby?

What if, you are facing your greatest fear?

What if, nobody wants you anymore?

What if you died in shame?

What if, the story doesn't turn out the way you want it to be?

What if, your secret is exposed?

What if, huling huli ka na?

What if, lusciousness is cheap?

What if, mainit?

What if, you become a blessing to others?

What if, you understand Tagalog?

What if, you know how to play balls?

What if, hindi ka kasya?

What if, pwede ka na agad gumawa ng french toast?

What if, inexplain pa talaga?

Photo Credits: Pinoy Laugh Page

I'm glad that you're alive

When it comes to birthdays, I'm really getting emotional. I would want to receive even a small gift, maybe a hanky or a friendship bracelet. So cheesy! Just petty things that I will not forget, for you have made me feel special and that you're happy because I was born and became your friend. The struggles that we had as a family already hindered me to celebrate my past birthdays in a grandious way. I don't have any bad emotions towards it. I was contented with pansit and a half gallon of ice cream that me and my siblings share. Those moments were priceless. The only thing that I remember something huge were my 1st and 7th birthday. On my first, I dressed as Superman. Back then, I cannot recall how happy I was but I'm sure I did enjoy my party.

Last year 21st of May, I came from work feeling agitated because I am about to go home to the Philippines. I thought my PAL flight from Singapore to Manila is at 2AM of the following day. I always lost my attention to details and that's my terminal illness. I slowly packed my things and enjoyed the remaining hours of the night. I took a cab to the airport around 12:30 AM. I was very complacent that 1 hour will cover checking in my luggage, wearing my best smile as I pass through the immigration officer and walking to the boarding gate before the plane takes off. While in the cab, I checked my ticket and felt overwrought when I found out that the aircraft was set to leave at 1:15 AM. I rushed into the check in counter as soon as I stepped into Changi. I became THE FLASH, literally. The moment that I buckled up my seat-belt, flight attendants started to demo their take off routines. I told myself, "You stupid crammer!" I never learned my lesson.

It is your birthday. The day that I am grateful for because you're alive. I will be home to celebrate it with you. I hope you appreciated my gift for you. Time and effort.

Same day, this year, I was with friends celebrating our lives and talking about how it is supposed to be, encouraging each other and helping one another for our faith to grow. It was also our dearest friend's birthday. We bought pizza, chicken wings and celebrated it with two cakes. He is very grateful and appreciative. I saw the joy in his eyes and imagine myself if I were in his shoes that moment, I'd probably cry. Although, I didn't plan his to happen, it just happened. Although, there isn't too much effort, I am glad that I'm part of the group that made one person very happy because we have blessed and touched each and everyone's lives.

Now that my past is over and you and I parted ways, I'm still happy that you're alive. The difference is, I am no longer part of your world. 

I don't have plans for my birthday yet. Again, I'm not used to celebrating it BIGTIME! Maybe, a trip to KL would suffice. But I would also want a cake from my friends.

Teleserye

Naalala ko taong 1996, nung ako ay Grade 6 nang nagreyna si Claudine Baretto at Judy Ann Santos sa mga primetime series ng ABS-CBN. Hindi ko na naabutan ang Flordeluna at batang bata pako nung sumikat si Annaluna. Telenovela pa ang tawag noon sa mga palabas na sinusubaybayan ng pamilyang Pilipino. Nag-evolve ito at tinawag na Teleserye (hindi ko matandaan kung kailan).

Naging tagasubaybay din naman ako ng mga teleserye. Ang huli kong napanood ng buo ay yung Pangako Sa'yo at yung Iisa pa Lamang. Naalala mo ba ang mga martyr nating bida na si Via at Esperanza? Hindi na nawalan ng pahinga si Judy Anne at Claudine nung mga panahon na'yon. Nagpapalit-palitan lang sila ng palabas. Nauso din yung Fantaserye nung nasa kolehiyo nako. Nandiyan yung Mulawin, Marina, Krystala, Encantadia at kung anu ano pang lamang lupa ang ipinalabas sa TV. 

Iba-iba man ang istorya nila, iisa lang naman ang mga nangyayare sa mga eksena. Naglista ako ng ilan sa mga laging nagaganap sa isang Teleserye.

• Laging may sampalan. Una munang maapi and bida.
• Pagkalipas ng mahabang panahon, babalik ang bida na mayaman na, kulot o mikli na ang buhok niya na may kulay.
• Laging may ampon or nawawalang anak sa istorya. Tapos yung bida pala yun. Matutuklasan niyang mayaman pala talaga siya.
• Laging naaksidente ang nakaka-alam ng katotohanan (yung may hawak ng diary oh yung totoong may alam kung sino ang totoong anak ng naghihiganti). Kadalasan, tinatanggalan ng preno ang sasakyan niya or kaya pasasabugin.
• Kapag may involve na pulitiko, palaging kasabwat ito ng kontrabida.
• Palaging may pipisiling bagay ang kontrabida habang naglilitanya. It's either panyo or yung litrato ng bida na ex ng kanyang asawa.
• Kung ayaw ng magulang ng babae sa lalaki (vice versa) kase mahirap lang siya, bibigyan ng tseke o kya itatanan ng lalake si babae.
• Kung may mamamatay na tauhan, iiyak ang bida, titingala at isisigaw ang pangalan ng namatay.
• Pagkalipas ng ilang taon, buhay pala ang namatay na tauhan. Nagka-amnesia lang.
• Ang bidang lalaki, kapag depress ay iinom ng whisky tapos may maalala, tas ibabato ang baso kapag nainis.
• Kapag me negosyo ang kontrabida, malulugi tas ipagbebenta. Ang bidang naghihiganti ang makakabili ng kumpanya.
• Mayroong katulong na komedyante ang kontrabida. Kadalasan, balimbing ito.

Wala na akong maisip. Meron pa ba akong dapat idagdag? hehehe

Sa personal kong pananaw, dapat magbago na ang ating panlasa towards sa story ng ating mga lokal na palabas. Minsan, ang tema ay hindi nararapat sa mga bata. Alam kong ito ang ating kultura ngunit nakakalungkot lang isipin na hindi nagbabago ang ating pananaw at kung minsan, naapektuhan tayo ne'to sa mga paraang hindi natin alam.