Null

I ain't good enough to narrate or write about a certain event that happened in my life. It's a fact. I tend to give every detail of it. Apparently, most perfectionist people like my editor in high-school said that I ain't fit for a News writer so he made me a Feature writer. For me, it's okay. I was having fun. At least I can still write. It ain't really my passion but a hobby that can make my hands occupy and make my brain think a lot. Now that I told you that I was a writer, forgive my grammar slips. I'm an engineer now.

I don't have a story to tell, actually. Did I mention before that I asked someone to marry me? I think I did. Shall I broadcast to the whole world that I enjoy worshipping in a Christian church now? That would be a constrained topic or a taboo. Will I get myself into a big trouble if I write about how my colleague pissed me off tonight? That's too much information. I may find myself paying a fat fine when they find out. By the way, I have two hefty oranges now in my bag and I brought a knife to cut it. I'm utterly excited to ingest it later. Who the hell cares?

I ain't making any sense here. I've been thinking of writing a book review but reading the first chapter of my chosen book, Norwegian Wood makes me think twice. I bawled out like a baby when I saw the movie "One Day." So what would make me deduce another heavyhearted plot without thinking of how will I ever conquer the feeling of nullity.

Yes, you heard it right. Nullity. It means nothingness. It means zilch.

Emotions are deceitful. When you get mad, opportunities and possible happy memories may slip away. But what if you feel NULL? Like there is nothing inside your heart. Does NULL really means ZILCH? Will it allow or negate that one feeling which everybody is dying for to feel? I'm talking about happiness.

I am not unhappy. I am blessed in so many ways, thank GOD! But somehow, that part of the heart where the magic happens, is NULL.