Not even quite a celebrity

With 2 major blog revisions in a total of seven years of blogging with a split personality, I just can't quit the idea of showing something new to the web. It's always about rants and bewildering personal situations that I write about, yeah! As much as I would want to relinquish the "reklamador" habit, I feel that this spot understands me well. I can say that blogging is almost like praying. In prayers, you can say anything, ask anything and show any emotions that you have without the necessity of getting a response immediately right after it. No one will get hurt because HE listens. Although not totally similar, blogging somehow gives me that ease feeling of expressing myself and justify all my views in an unrelated audience and in a different realm.

If I say that you're ugly today, it doesn't necessarily mean that you're ugly for the rest of your miserable life. Maybe you could fix yourself tomorrow and then I can call you something else.

The life of an expressive individual like me is never easy. Mistreated, misplaced and misunderstood, at least I can relate to what Pink said in her song. But in my case, it slowed me down. There is just too much to handle. It's a fact that I write with emotions. I guess my heart only can contain blissful events but if melancholy clouded its' space, I somehow need an outlet. If coffee was beer, I would be very very drunk. Let's not just count the cigarette butts. To fathom is my habit. My favorite question to answer always starts with WHY. Do I really need a professional help being like this?

Howbeit, the most important thing is I am still here. Still learning and still trying.

And still blogging...

Drawback

Only know you've been high when you're feeling low

Only hate the road when you're missing home

Only know you love her when you let her go

And you let her go

This is alright. I like the song. It's sad though, and the message is simple. Most of us truly discovers anything's worth by losing it. It maybe antimony or irony but whatever it is, it's still loss. We can recall memories whichever way we want, first in last out or first in first out but we don't have the ability to turn back time. Every loss is either replaceable or not. However, the feeling will not be the same.

If I had known the woman I love will be taken away from me in a long while, I should've been more patient, more understanding and more independent. When she left, I taught myself the basics. I tried to be proper. No one knows that I can process failures and losses without her being by my side and me being an inexperienced young adult. I became strong. The cycle of falling down and standing up again is endless, until I get used to it. I live with it and sometimes, I enjoyed it. Life is giving us so many 1+ ups until we get to the princesses' castle. Sometimes, we can warp to skip stages, sometimes we're big, and sometimes we're not. There are times that we feel invincible by being able to throw balls of fire to those flying turtles that hinder us. It's crazy and sick! But it's not how long you play the game. It's how you enjoy it. It's how you value every details and aspect of it.

Being strong is not tantamount to being not able to feel pain. Even walls and bridges fall down. No matter how big and mighty it is. Independence is strength and at the opposite side sits neglect and being taken for granted. This gives us inexplicable pain and a thousand questions that start with WHY?

"Hell Yeah! He can do it, he's strong!"

"Sure, he's able to get through it. He's smart, he can think straight."

There is a greater empathy actually to those who are weak. Even I, would spend more minutes to someone who needs assistance but without making the strongs feel they're alone. As a friend, a brother, a son or a special someone, I would most likely to give and sacrifice everything within my means. Much disappointment arise when at the end of the day, I feel that, it is me who built my own armour. It is only me, who acts as a front liner and back liner. It is me, who is building our dreams. This is my battle, and I am alone.

We will eventually learn to let go and stick to those who value you. My wish is not to make you "me," but somehow feel even only your shadow at my back. I need a support system. And as the famous local singer has sung...

"The warrior is a child." Just and still a child.