Alexithymia

Alexithymia is the scientific term for difficulty in verbalizing your feelings.

Being a paranoid, I thought that I might have this disorder. I even thought that I might have a brain tumor because of the impulsiveness that I have done in my life. I got addicted to Grey's Anatomy lately and I feel that I might have the illness that they are presenting in the show, if the symptoms fit my behavior or pain.

I might have Alexithymia, yeah! And as of now, I really can't translate my feelings into words. I feel happy, I feel upset and I feel mad. 

How do I feel?

When I answered, I am feeling "mixed emotions," is it considered Alexithymia?

I feel upset when someone's YES becomes a NO afterwards.

I feel mad when someone requires me to do something. I am definitely a good person, however asking for favors should be sweet and genuine. It's not supposed to create a feeling of obligation, and that you have to do it or else, you will be cursed.

I feel happy when everything goes smoothly according to plans. I feel happy when there's a bit of spontaneity. I feel happy when someone makes me feel important, that life will not go on without my existence.

I feel irritated when someone is not listening when I'm talking. I feel irritated when someone talks to somebody else while I'm talking to that someone. I feel irritated when someone has to say "This is me! Deal with it!" As if those small shortcomings are impossible to change. I feel irritated when someone just says it, not do it!

After the last four paragraphs, I realized that I am becoming more of a pessimist. However, I might not have Alexithymia after all.

So much for the rant! haha :)